The last month has been rough. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the life that I live, but my mental state hasn’t been in top form. After 9 years of dedication to the sport of climbing, I’ve become very accustomed to the cyclical nature of progression. Throughout each year there are high’s and low’s in strength, flow, and motivation. The waves are inevitable regardless of how we try to fight them. In the last few years, I’ve brought a lot of my own attention and focus to the cycle, and have done my best to cope. Luckily (or unluckily), my yearly finger injuries in the past have more or less defined the low points. Injuries force abnormal amounts of rest, hinder the furthering of one’s limits, and generally put a serious damper on motivation. The whole body recovers during this time, and when the injury is healed, motivation spikes and progression continues. However, this year was an odd one for me. From early April of 2010 until the end of the year, I suffered zero injuries, motivation was at abnormally high levels, and the progression in my climbing was obvious to myself in an extremely rare way. Everything clicked and kept clicking. The high point of the cycle seemed unreachable. Understandably, this inspired a peak in confidence in myself and my abilities on rock. This carried over into all parts of my life, for better or worse. I became blind to the cycle, and set myself up for something that I hadn’t yet experienced. Sometime in the first week of February 2011, I crashed. And it was a big one. Without warning, my body went into complete system failure. It felt like my body was entirely rejecting rock climbing. Or at least that’s the best way I can describe the feeling. I know what bad days are like, and this wasn’t one of them. This was a month long string of failure. Regardless of how hard I tried to push through, everything continued to feel very wrong. And so I succumbed to the obvious mental side effects of such a fall. My confidence as a climber dwindled to nearly nothing. And I pretty much stopped climbing for the whole month. ABS Nationals came and went with a disappointing result and I spiraled into a dark hole of anti-psych. I began questioning the future, who I was as a climber, and tried my best to ground myself to the original ideals that inspired me to take up climbing in the first place. I had fought the cycle, and the cycle won. It’s easy to become addicted to the power and control found in high end bouldering, and the loss of it all resulted in a unique set of withdrawals. The cure to it all slowly became obvious. I had to be completely alright with the fact that I might never climb “hard” ever again, or if I couldn’t then I might as well quit. Coming to a definite realization was a very grounding process. Obviously, I wasn’t about to quit. So I spent a lot of time focusing on the things I really enjoyed about the sport aside from the difficulty. All the things I have taken for granted in recent years became apparent. The amazing community of people that exists in this sport, the camaraderie, my friends, being outside in amazing locations, are all things that I’m very lucky to have in my life. And I don’t need to climb “hard” to have them. With new found clarity, the frustration subsided. Time off allowed my body the rest that it needed, and I’m happy to say that I’m back. Fresh, new, and with a better outlook on everything. Of course, I will continue to try and push my limits, but it’s no longer my foundation for success.
I also have a new project! It’s in Boulder Canyon and it’s called The Game. I’ve spent 4 days on it so far, and my last day out there I linked from the 2nd move to the top! I’m not really sure when a send will happen. Anything is possible. For now I’ve just been enjoying the process. If anyone wants to get out climbing, as always, let me know. I’m psyched on anything and everything.
Carlo,
First off, my friend, I agree with you about the “cyclical nature of progression.” My highs and lows with climbing have been extreme. My experience with motivation has not often aligned with my flow, and vice versa. I’ll find myself climbing at my threshold without expecting it, wherever I may be, and send. Then I’ll feel amazing, and won’t send anything. Everything between such highs and lows may or may not occur; most everything I achieve is rarely expected. This is, of course, simultaneously fascinating and horrible. I no longer expect my abilities as a rock climber to increase regularly, but rather that I suffer the most excrutiating of peaks and valleys. I came to accept this realization while we were in Switzerland. You may recall my epic refusal to do anything but stare at the fading sky one day in Brione, after punting that beautiful slab I’d sent already.
Second: although this may sound mean, or whatever, I’m glad to read that you’ve gone through a miserable cycle of un-confidence and un-psych in the past month or so. This is not to say that I wish bad luck upon you. I’d just rather you experience such humility, so you can learn from it. Obviously, you have. And I know you’ve gone through similar experiences in the past. And I know you’ll go through such trials in the future, just like everyone else.
If what you say about your withdrawal-experience-realization is personal and true – how climbing is just so fucking cool, precisely because the act of rock climbing itself is satisfying as an end in itself, for the reasons you list – I’m happy for you. And I don’t doubt your sincerity in the least. I’m so psyched to see your newfound contentment seeded by success, no matter the scale of the latter.
Good luck on The Game yo. I want to be there TOMORROW when you do it!
Connor
Fuck yeah! Send that thing! Stay psyched!
Carlo,
Absolutely amazing post. You are being brutally honest with yourself and this will lead to amazing results. Its so good to hear this coming from a pro climber. All you ever hear about is the psych. Its nice to see the other side of the coin. Thank you so much for sharing
Very well done man, congratulations on the SEND !! amazing news.done in 5 days !! wow.. i think you are unstoppable
[...] not feeling strong of late, Traversi indicated in a recent blog update that he was close to doing the line so today’s success is perhaps less of a surprise. [...]
Very inspiring, it’s great to hear about the highs and lows of people at the top end, i definitly agree, i’ve gone from 6c to 8b sport routes and then plateau’ed at 7a-c for ages, seriously frustrating. I find trainin in cycles can help but i find bouldering can be thoroughly more specific. Plus there must be more pressure with it being your lifestyle too, even though i ofcourse wish i could be sponsored
Congrats on the game also, nows the time to train like a nutter and establish yourself at the top!
It’s hard to believe any professional in any sport experiences mentally and physically taxing plateaus or injuries. They seem impervious to injuries the fans experience while partaking in the sport. I must remind myself during my cycles of injury that this is not the case any even some of the best(you for example) in a sport experience these same cycles.
*I’m out for at least 2 months after a double knee arthroscopy on 3/10….so tell me about it.